I don't have much time to write. Strangely I got today off, if not I would not even have been able to put pictures up or write this right now. But, I felt it a good idea to put into words my experiences of the last few days.
Night before my first day, it was hard to fall asleep. I felt almost as anxious as the night before my 9hr board exams. Not wanting the sun to rise upon a day that you don't want to face, but wanting the torture of not knowing how it will be to come and get itself over with.
First day, woke up at around 4:15 am. Got to hospital bright and early with my blue scrubs, pager on hip, cellphone on hip, and white coat on. The day was busy, it was nonstop. Barely a moment to pee or eat without pagers going off and places to be. This month I am on the GYN service, which mainly means cases in the OR, preparing patients for surgery and managing them postoperatively and of course, running to the Emergency department, and the medical floors as a consult.
At the end of our first day, one of my fellow interns called me on the phone and we both celebrated that we had survived, that it was not so bad and that we were really really happy.
Upon embarking on each experience, at first I would feel the anxiety rise just a little. Going on my own to examine a patient who is bleeding or has had a miscarriage seemed daunting, and scary. But there was always a certain pt during each encounter when I looked at myself and realized that I was doing it right, that I was prepared for this and that I could be confident in my abilities. That was an amazing feeling. That and reporting to my senior residents and attendings and seeing the look of approval on their faces as to my thought process and knowing that if I did not know what to do that they were always there to help and guide me, were some of the most rewarding aspects of this week for me.
Everyone has been supportive of my pregnancy, making sure that I steal time to eat etc. When your chief gives up her seat so that you can sit down, you can't help but feel that you're in the right place.
Assisting on cases in the OR were great, keeping in mind that I will have to remember the names and functions of all of the instruments, not so much. I did a case with just me and the attending and afterwards he congratulated me for having my first one done. A rite of passage had been done. That was a great feeling. Sitting in morning report and learning from happenings that occurred overnight, being called on to answer questions and knowing that everything you don't know is something that you have to go home and read up on is part of the day. Coming home exhausted with only about 3 hrs of awake time left before you really should go to bed, has been difficult. Knowing that eating dinner, reading up on cases so that I can be prepared in the OR the next day, time with Randy, all have to come out of those few hrs is a challenge. But it is one that we are both up for.
Randy has been awesome, as usual. He sees me off in the mornings, makes dinner at night and lays next to me and tucks me in even when he isn't going to bed for another couple of hours. He has been my rock and my cheerleader.
This week has been tiring but I can honestly say that I have had fun. I am living my dream and touching people's lives each and every day.